I am sorry, yet again, for not being on! I know how frustrated you all must be, worried, or even both. I do not hope to make any more long leaves from here, but I know I must. For in our school performance of Grease, we are behind on schedule, and March will be, in terms of the drama teacher, "crunch month". I have looked at our schedule and it seems that practice will be every night until April 8th, the first showing of the play for our school. And recently, practice has been major. Like just last week, we have had to have practice from 4-9. That happened this Wednesday too. So, reason one why I did not come on: busy with the play.

Also, with school, I have been having to do even more math. Because I'm at least trying to keep my math grade up and to not have it go back to a D. And if you know me well enough, you know that I can not accept failure. But it feels like I am not doing so well in it. I also have a little thought in the back of my head that I'm not doing well during practice either, even though many people say I'm going fine, even the director and the choreographer. But, the ghost though is still embedded in my mind.....and also for what happened today. I went to my first choral evaluation-type thing today. I don't know exactly what the name was, I think KMEA. But I had to sing a solo in front of a judge. I did not get a rating, but I did get comments. But seeing these comments really brought me down, because when I sing in the chorus, I may as well be the best of the best in there. And not even a mess up. I say that because I got put into the freshmen choir because of school schedules. -.- Anyways, these comments told me what I already knew. I get so nervous when ever I'm singing in front of people by myself, and in a large room. SO reasons 2 and 3: school and choral evaluation.

And, what I think is my stupidest reason yet of why I did not come one. I know you all will think this is stupid too.....I was a little scared and I just didn't want to come on. Stupid, yes. And I can understand it if you actually say that it is in fact non-sense. But for the first part, I was scared because I did not want to hear of some people. Such as this one guy on Gaia online who keeps on bugging me for pictures of myself, and not in a good way if you catch my drift. Stupid. I also did not want to hear a reply from someone, if I ever got a reply back, about the club, IBR. I think I mentioned this in the last journal, but the truth of something like that hurts. Stupid. And plus, I just did not feel like getting on. I was not in the mood, and I'm still somewhat, I dunno, I guess not interested in this right now. But I dunno why. But I just had to come on and tell everyone that I'm fine, and I do need to talk to my boyfriend, Matt about something. That is, if he still is my bf....reason 4: stupid reasons.